these darkened halls
are my refuge in the night
as I look for a hiding place
from this demon pain.
specters of normalcy haunt my darkness
composed of mist & vapor
all smoke, untouchable,
unreachable,
there to remind me of what I can no longer have.
the one question is posed again and again
is this life worth anything more than it’s mere being?
reality is suspended forever
I live in another time
another place
another life
a never ending hell
my own pocket sized personal purgatory.
I cry out for relief
I cry out of sorrow
I cry for a lost life
that was promised to me —
which was never lived.
gone is hope
gone is youth
dreams shattered,
distant memories of past joys
and contentment in life…
all are now cobwebs,
ancient memories of the past
of another’s life.
ancient memories
are all I have
hope is fleeting
elusive to the grasp
clutching at thin air
musty with the smell of death,
the demise of my soul.
bright beams of life
throwing shadows
against my darkness
clawing at the light
fingertips bleeding
impossible to grasp
© Steven Lareau