Bipolar Disorder can really, really, really suck the fun out of life. A few days ago, I cycled from middle of the road world to a bad, hard core manic wall slam, and back, within about a 5 hour span. I’m still wiped out from it. I rarely get manic, I usually get highly agitated and irritable, but I don’t get the typical manic thing. It’s usually internalized and it doesn’t manifest itself for others to see. But this last bout, man.. my hands were shaking, I was doing crazy hard body rushes from it, waves of manic spazzitude washing over me.

I cycle way too fast. I do in hours what most manic depressives do over the course of months, or weeks. By the time I figure out what’s happening to me, I’m flying towards the other direction. It’s exhausting. But it makes me who I am, there’s not much I can do besides taking my happy little pills and riding it out. But there are days it’s hard to convince myself that this is just lies my brain is telling me, it’s not real, none of it is real, it’s all the result of bad chemical balances, it’s bad, shorted out wiring in my head that makes me feel this lousy. But that doesn’t diminish the impact it makes on your life, and those around me, when a bad day hits.

It’s a really stupid thing to have to deal with. And in the last hour, I started to feel manic waves starting to wash over me again.  I’m going to try to crawl into bed now, before it roars to full volume, and sleep through it. Hopefully I’ll wake up without it hanging over my head. What a life..